Nick Cannon Feels 'Heavy Guilt' About Not Spending More Time With Late Son Zen: 'Keeps Me Up At Night'

There is nothing more painful for a parent than losing their child, and that’s something Nick Cannon is still in the beginning of processing.

In a candid interview with Dr. Laura Berman, his friend and therapist, on her podcast The Language of Love this week, the talk show host opened up about how difficult it has been for him to move forward after his 5-month-old son Zen, whom he shared with model Alyssa Scott, passed away in December.

The 41-year-old admitted he has a major regret looking back, expressing:

“One thing that keeps me up at night, there’s this heavy, heavy guilt with the fact that I didn’t get to spend time — like I really wanted to — with Zen.”

Oof. That’s so sad.

Nick announced that Zen passed away in December after suffering from a brain tumor. The baby had undergone treatment, but his health deteriorated quickly. In January, Alyssa revealed that the parents had known since August that Zen’s time on Earth would be “limited.” On his talk show, the All That alum insisted he “made a valid effort to spend the most quality time” he could with his seventh child, but of course, there’s never enough time when you lose a kid that young. Or at any age, for that matter.

This unfortunate guilt has spread into other aspects of Cannon’s parenting. As Perezcious readers know, the rapper shares 10-year-old twins Moroccan and Monroe with ex-wife Mariah Carey, 4-year-old Golden and 1-year-old Powerful Queen with Brittany Bell, and 5-month-old twins Zion and Zillion with Abby De La Rosa. He is also expecting his eighth child with Bre Tiesi. His family life is obviously nontraditional and causes him to split his time between his many children and baby mommas, something that has begun to wear on him.

Noting that he has other children “even at a similar age” as Zen was, Nick continued:

“I’m guilty that I’m not there everyday. I’m guilty that the mothers of my children yearn for more and I can only give so much. I walk around with a backpack full of guilt. But at least I know that the harder that I work then it makes the guilt easier to deal with.”

When asked why that is, the Masked Singer host noted:

“I feel like I’m providing for others.”

Of course, when he finds himself out for a little fun, that guilt only skyrockets — and probably for good reason, per his own admission.

He reflected:

“Where I feel the guiltiest is if I am not working and I’m spending time with a young lady, and I’m like, ‘Man, I got a house full of kids I could be [with],’ you know?”

Kinda understandable that he would feel conflicted in those situations, but it’s heartbreaking to hear him regret missed opportunities with his late son. Hopefully, he can hold on to the fact that he did spend some important time with Zen in his final moments. Hear more from Nick’s emotional therapy session (below).