[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
Cara Delevingne may be fearlessly queer these days, but that wasn’t always the case!
The supermodel and actress opened up about coming to terms with her sexuality in a candid interview with Gwyneth Paltrow on The goop Podcast, during which she confessed to feeling “shame” and “self-hatred” about same-sex attraction before ultimately accepting herself.
The 28-year-old recalled growing up in an “old-fashioned household” where same sex relationships weren’t discussed openly or in a positive way. She remembered:
“I didn’t know anyone who was gay, or I didn’t know that was a thing. Actually, I think growing up I was quite—not noticeably or I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact that I was probably quite homophobic.”
It’s an all too common phenomenon, sadly. Sure, when we think of homophobes, we think of right-wing extremists or the Catholic church (when it’s not too busy protecting clergy members who were accused of pedophilia, we mean), but tragically, many queer people develop an internalized homophobia because they’ve been conditioned to be revolted by same sex love. Not a fun place to be in mentally, y’all.
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As Cara put it:
“The idea of being same sex anything, I was disgusted by that in myself, I was like, ‘Oh my god. Oh I could never! That’s disgusting!’ So, learning and growing up and realizing that maybe I had a best friend when I was a kid who actually I liked more than they liked me, but not realizing that that’s what that was.”
The Carnival Row star explained the “shame” and “self-hatred” she felt during that time in her life caused “massive depression” and even “suicidal” moments:
“I do kind of correlate the kind of massive depression and the suicidal kind of moments of my life because I was so ashamed of ever being that, but actually that was the part of me that I love so much and I accept it.”
Thankfully, Ashley Benson’s ex did get to a place where she accepted herself — a place that many queer people tragically never reach — but she admitted to still occasionally wishing that she “could just be straight.” She reflected:
“There is still a part of me where I’m like, ‘Oh I really I wish I could just be straight.’ There is still that side to it.”
As for how she got to a place of self-acceptance, Cara credits her previous partners and relationships, even the non-sexual ones, for teaching her about “self-discovery.” We’re so happy the star is living her truth — and hope that by sharing her experience, she’ll inspire others to do the same.
[Image via Avalon/WENN]
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